please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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