her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
