WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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