I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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