guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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