my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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