True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
