thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
