You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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