Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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