we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
