love makes seman taste better
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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