Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
