The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So apparently I’m into choking now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
