We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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