I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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