For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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