I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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