what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
