just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
