Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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