What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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