Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
