last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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