his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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