at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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