You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
