guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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