Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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