um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am midnight drunk by noon
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
