the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
