somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
