Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
