i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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