dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
