I wish I could punch you in the face.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
