my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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