I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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