Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
