you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
