It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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