Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
