She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize