this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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