sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
