this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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