I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize