Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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