this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
