yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
