omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize