I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
