I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
