I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
