She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize