I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
