woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
