I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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