But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
