Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
