Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
