Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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