i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
