you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
