Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize