There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
