I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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