no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
