I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
