I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
