I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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